Changing your feminized submissive life : Part 2 The woman in your life

Many of us want women in our life’s to feminize and discipline us.  For a submissive cross-dresser (aka feminized submissive) that is a part of who we are.  But is only a part of who we are.  I’m sure you don’t need hints on how to subtly test if a woman may be receptive.   If they responded very positively stop reading this and move on, you found what you are looking for.

What if you haven’t found receptivity and you are suppressing yourself.  Well, you’re reading this because you need an outlet and my experiences with my wife and other women can help you.  FIRST…stop the negativity that it will not work for you.  Yes, it will.   Commit to reading this whole entry and seriously think about it.  Yes, you’ll need to customize it for yourself but it will work.

RECOMMIT TO TRUE COMMUNICATION

You already have an even bigger issue that you’re avoiding.  It’s time to deal with it.  No matter how hidden, how suppressed, or how clever you think you’re being, your feminized submissive side is ALREADY affecting HER even if she knows ZERO about it.  There is something far worse than her discovering these desires, what’s worse?  Your hiding it from her.  Yes, what your doing is far worse.  To hide desires so fundamental to who you really are is to refuse to share your whole self with that woman in your life.  Oh yes, she knows it.  If she is suppressing, hiding, and not telling you things about herself, you certainly pick that up.  So you expect she is not?  You are wrong.  For communication is not just the words we say, it is our body language and our lack of communication (which is a powerful form of communication in itself) that speaks VOLUMES.  So if she doesn’t know, it is worse.  Maybe she thinks you love her less, are less interested in her, having an affair with others or god knows what.  What choice does she have? You are hiding things from her and she senses and knows this in her heart also.   Your decision to suppress and hide these desires is impacting your lives together.  It has to.  It also speaks to something that is hurting her even more than your desires.  You do not trust her enough to confide in her.  In the end that is far more hurtful then her knowing about these desires that you’ve tried to suppress.   Tell her you LOVE her and were ashamed to tell her of your desires.  My personal advice I’d start with the whips, bondage, and move into being dressed as a girl as part of it.  Let her know, you’ve tried to change these desires both because you were ashamed of them and you love her so much you wanted to change them for her. You tried so hard to do so.  You know in your heart, mind, and soul that I’m right.  You need to tell her what your hiding from her.

OH NO –  I’M GOING TO CHANGE FIRST

So now your solution is your going to quit forever.  If your going down that road AGAIN, the trip doesn’t change.  You will be back shortly to your feminized submissive self.  Human beings have shown no ability to change their sexual desires and attractions once they are developed.   Accept that fundamental principle for it is true of everybody.  Once you stop things to suppress, hide, and deny a fundamental part of yourself, it will change you for the better.  When you change for the better, it will positively impact your wife/girlfriend, kids, family, acquaintances, and co-workers.

When you tell her, don’t tell her she needs to participate in doing this with you.  If she wants to try it, she will let you know.  Trust me on this.

HER REACTION TO CONVERSATION

A. SHE SAYS GREAT LETS PLAY (POSITIVE REACTION)

Probably unlikely but if she does, get real.  It’s new to her.  Go really, really slow.  You may just want to start with some light forms of domination without Feminization.   If you give into all your desires, full feminization and full submission, you will no doubt scare her off.   Especially if she doesn’t totally  completely understand this.   There is no rush, go very slow.

B. SHE SAYS NO WAY – I”M LEAVING YOU (NEGATIVE)

Oh, this is your fear but if you have a reasonable relationship this is also probably unlikely.  What if your wife/girlfriend had some sexual attraction and desires that you couldn’t relate to that she confided to you.  How likely is that you would leave her?  It might happen if it were the “final” straw but this alone?  If your wife/girlfriend will leave you over this and this alone, I suggest you have more serious relationship issues.   For if she doesn’t want to be with you because you’ve confided a very personal desire that you can only share with her there are far bigger issues here.  You need to return to the communication and trust in one another than at some point you had.

C. SHE SAYS – THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I CAN RELATE TO.  IT IS NOT NORMAL, OR IT’S ABNORMAL OR ITS EVEN PERVERTED.  YOU NEED TO GET HELP (SUPPORTIVE)

Stop the disappointment over your fantasies.  Don’t get offended at the words she used. Your wife/girlfriend is actually supporting you.  She is telling you she doesn’t relate to it and just telling you she wants you to deal with it.  This is not so bad.  The question for you is now.  I work with a highly trained educated female with very specific knowledge of these desires.  With all of her education and training, she will tell you that almost nobody with her qualifications has an understanding of our desires.  READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN.

Yes, my wife knew of my desires, had seen me dressed, and tried it earlier in our marriage.  She was of the belief I had given it up.  I got “caught” with a credit card alert unrelated to my call to Samantha. It was the charge that occurred afterwards but they ask to clear the last 3 calls.  NAILED AFTER THE FIRST CALL.  But guess what?  When I told my wife of her qualifications, asked if she would like to speak with Samantha also and relayed Samantha experience in the education and general lack of understanding by other education people, her response was well I wanted you to deal with this years ago.   The way you are doing it is the furthest thing I expected but let’s see how this works.  I can tell you now that had Samantha not offered to talk to her, I don’t think she would have believed that this wasn’t just playtime.  That made a HUGE difference.  Note, I’m using the name Samantha.  I never refer to with my wife as Mistress or share details.  Yes, she knows I dress as a pretty girl to talk to Samantha but now understands this is indeed instrumental in Samantha getting through to me.

You see as a feminized submissive I had become an expert in blocking things that I didn’t want to deal with including things with my wife.  I stopped doing that and my wife began to see a more attentive, responsive, communicative and supportive husband.  I explained to her that my desires had created an internal war within me and now that I  stopped blocking theses desires,  I realized I been blocking many other things in life.  A side effect of my psychological failure to deal with my inner desires.  So my wife began to see positive wonderful changes that benefited her also.    A happier, calmer husband who was more attentive, responsive, communicative and supportive of her.  The tradeoff – her husband spending a few hours a week or every several weeks talking to a trained professional.  No wife will ever have a problem with that.   Of course, my wife is financially quite tight, so I don’t discuss the cost.  Also, the fact that I’m dressed as a pretty girl and might be being spanked is something that she really doesn’t want the details of.  She loves the results and if that’s the method that generates the results – she accepts it fully.  In fact she has so accepted it that when she sees me start to go back to the old self she reminds me to call SAMANTHA.  

FINAL NOTE : HOW YOU APPROACH A WOMAN IS VERY IMPORTANT

I now personally shop for all my clothes.  I used to hate to shop.   Shopping is now part of my never blocking or suppressing who I now am.  I’m Mistress Samantha’s girlie girl – her submissive and my name is Nina Paige.  As a girl, you shop for pretty feminine clothes.  

The reason I used to hate to shop was I felt awkward and very different.  When you feel this way, you project this way.   How do you think this impacts the woman trying to help you in the store?  Well, she is going to feel the same way.

Now when somebody in a shop like Victoria’s Secret approaches me and asks if I need help my answer is to smile and say “Only if you feel comfortable, I’m shopping for myself.  I looking for some lacy bra’s.  I wear a size 38 with a C cup.”  Guess what?  I find saleswoman more than willing to help.  For you see if you relaxed and comfortable they will be also. 

So I share this because if your bringing this subject to your wife or girlfriend to the 1st time, approach them calm and relaxed.  You can always practice at Victoria’s Secret first.

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Posted on July 17, 2011, in AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL SUBMISSIVES, Crossdressing Slave, Domination and Submission, Feminization, Spanking, Strap-On Sex, Tease and Denial and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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