The evolution to even more of a FEMINIZED SUBMISSIVE

If  this is the first time you’ve read my blog “feminizedsubmissive.com”, this is about real life not writing fantasies for people to get their “jollies”.  There is one fantasy out of the current 44 posts clearly identified as such.  

First, I’m a biological male and I’m heterosexual attracted to females.  

Like some people, I have an attraction to sexual dominance/submission and BDSM. That means I’m a top since I’m a man – right?  No, I’m a true bottom.  Yes, I want to be her slave, to have her spank me, tie me up, humiliate/embarass me, and most of all have me serve her every erotic and sexual desire.   To be blunt after a dozen orgasm’s for her, maybe she will let me have 1 but it’s totally secondary and unnecessary.  She is to be served and pleased…that’s my mental sexual orgasm which by the way are the best orgasms…physical is secondary & quite optional at her total discretion. I actually like being kept in denial without be allowing to partake.   Yes, I’m that submissive.  Hence the part of my blog name “submissive”.          

Not only does BDSM turn me on, so does wearing woman’s clothes.  I’ve been sneaking in bras, panties, stockings, dresses, high heels, wigs, and makeup since my early youth even before my teenage years.  It totally sexually excites me and turns me on.  Hence the part of my blog name “feminized”.  

For me the above 2 are linked together.  So  should my blog name be “submissivefeminized.com” or “feminizedsubmissive.com” ?  The order is actually significant.   Would I do or want BDSM submission by itself without feminization?  I could do that but it’s a rare mood.  Would I do or want to be feminized by itself without submission?  YES-by itself it is SUPER.  …When I’m feminized am I always thinking  submissive? Almost always…so “feminizedsubmissive.com” is who I am..feminized leads the submissive side.  It’s the most important so it gets top billing.     

Now, since men aren’t supposed to be “bottoms” and are generally not turned on by wearing pretty, feminine female attire that creates a natural conflict between how you are expected to behave and your inner desires.  The way I handled it was to deny, suppress, hide, and kept  those desires locked up.  Would you expect differently?  Well, that creates an internal war.  The desires gets satisfied, then I lock them up, cage them, gag them, and ignore them.  I tried to purge the desires, the clothes, and my inner needs.  Eventually I “give” in and satisfy them again – at times even feeling  guilty that I couldn’t resist them.  Then I started the pattern all over again.  A perpetual internal conflict.

My wife was aware of my feminized submissive desires and had been open enough to “try it” and did experience it several times not just once.   It wasn’t something she related to and wanted to continue to experience.  Indeed, she did suggest that I seek some professional help, so I could deal with it more productively.  

 For years, I had written to professional mistresses and wanted to interact with a female who accepted these desires within me.  However, every one who I interfaced with, didn’t what to understand me.  They assumed I was a “sissy”(i’m not) , was “gay” in denial etc.   Plus, I’m married and would rather hurt myself than my wife ( ah..the submissive side strikes again).

 Then I found a real woman who first wanted to understand me  before interacting and I began to interface with her in the virtual world.  OH..finally…a woman who understood, enjoyed, and actually wanted to interface with me as a feminized submissive.  FULL COMPLETE, ACCEPTANCE, & ENJOYMENT with a real woman.  Then I learned of her educational background and qualifications – a highly qualified person to talk to.  I started to talk to her and then due to a credit card foul-up, it was something I needed to explain to my wife.  One call and I had to start explaining to my wife.  

So was this what my wife had in mind when she told me to consider some professional help?  Well, when I explained Samantha’s qualifications to my wife, the answer was an emphatic YES.  If I dealt with somebody qualified to understand this side of me,  I’d be happier.  Isn’t that the goal of anybody who seeks somebody to help them with things they are not dealing well with?  Now, did she envision, it would be done with me being dressed and submissive to Samantha?  No, that she didn’t envision that at all but the goal wasn’t how the benefit would occur, it was to get the benefit.  So, yes, my wife is fine with Samantha for I have much greater insight into me and with the internal war gone, I’m at peace, happier and that shows in my day-day life with her.  A great mistress is a great counselor and does benefit my wife, family and all around me.   No, I don’t discuss the feminized submissive details with my wife, but I do discuss what I’ve learned and this is very positive for all. 

Now, did I readily accept Mistresses guidance?  Of course not, I tried to purge her also just like my girly clothes.  Ah, but too late for Mistress had already had enough work with me.   That side of me that I kept suppressing, kept locked up, chained/bound, gagged, and in solitary confinement in  a mental prison came to consciousness.    Yes, locked away inside of me and part of me is a very feminine girl.   It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I have a very strong feminine side.  Indeed, in many ways, there is psychologically more girl inside of me than my biological side.  Yes, I had been turned into a girl and a girly girl at that.    

So what do you think happens when you begin to understand that a very strong  part of you is a very feminine girly girl psychologically, she been totally suppressed, kept in a mental prison for her whole life especially when you’re also working with somebody like Mistress Samantha?   Well, that girl within is freed, of course and as a result  the internal conflict is now over.    For you can be a biological man with a powerful feminine side.  Does that mean, I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body.  Should I transgender?  No, I have a male side also but I’ve come to understand it’s not as strong as the feminine side.  It has it’s place and is also an important part of who I am.   The funny side is I reflect bad on my career, it was the girl inside of me that I didn’t even know existed who guided me through 3 major career crisis.  The she side is really smart and that male side is pure blood/guts get it done.  The two make a fantastic combination.

So with the girly girl the strongest side of me now liberated, unleashed and free has this changed things?  Oh, you can bet on that.  She is never going back to the mental prison and being denied, suppressed or locked away again.  Yes, Nina Paige is here to stay.  In fact, since the “male” side has such a strong desire to serve females and enjoys it so, Nina is more than happy to help.  With Mistresses help, that male side, is now enslaved to Nina’s desires to be a very feminine girly girl.  A slave to one’s own desires which pleases both Nina and that male submissive side.   A perfect circle and noose that self tightens more every single day.  Nina and Mistress have named that former male side “Princess” to reflect what they are going to do.  Make no mistake Princess is enslaved (1) to his wife (2) to mistress (3) to Nina and (4) to any and all other females.  

So now that Princess understands that she is Nina Paige inside,  is enslaved to females and Nina is now totally free does that mean Nina wants to be with men?  That would be a natural assumption.  We shall see for Nina may go many places, make no mistake she is now in charge.  However, it seems like Nina’s interest and Princess interests are both all around girls.  

So for all those women or men who think there isn’t a difference between (1) men who like to wear panties (2) sissies (3) cross dressers and (4) transgender…..you are WRONG…we are all very different.  Then once you find that out, do they want to be with men, woman, both.  Then do they want to be dominant or submissive.  Then do they want to be ladylike, a whore, or a slut.  Then do they want to be very private, very public, or somewhat public.    You start adding up all these combinations and the only thing you can conclude is there are lots of possibilities and each person is unique to themselves.  Be who you are and don’t let somebody tell you who you are or are not.  

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Posted on July 3, 2011, in Crossdressing Slave, Domination and Submission, Feminization, Spanking, Strap-On Sex, Tease and Denial and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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