Did you wear Mommy’s panties, stockings, bra’s, high heels or dresses?

I would bet you did.  After all, you started to wear woman’s clothing when you were 13 or 14 years old.  There is no denying it – you started to dress like a girl when you first became aware of sexual desires.  It has always turned you on from the very beginning up until today.  You cannot resist it – that’s why you are reading this blog right now.  You cannot hide or escape your desires.  

Mommy’s clothes – do they have a special attraction for you?  Perhaps you started with your sisters clothes. Whose clothes did you start with?  Mommy’s or your sisters?  

  • Did you want Mommy to catch you and make you stay dressed as she caught you?  
  • Did you want Mommy to lift your skirt and spank you?
  • Did you want Mommy to display you dressed as a girl in front of others?

I will bet at least one of the above.  For me it is all three.

Time for you to publicly confess how. when, and whose clothes you started with by answering with a comment.   

The assumption that I’m a Sissy

Oh how I hate that term and that assumption.  Let me be clear, I do not criticize again who has a desire to be a “sissy”.  I do dislike the assumption I must be a “sissy” or want to suck a male cock.  To both I say UGH, UGH, UGH, and more UGH.  

Yes, I been dressing from head to toe in girl’s clothes since I was 12 or 13 years old.  It is a huge sexual turn-on.  HUGE, HUGE, HUGE.  Just hold up a pair of panties, bra’s or high heels in front of me and it’s a tormenting sexual tease.  Yes, I want to wear them with stockings, dresses, wigs, and high heels.  I want to wear them in front of other woman.   I want to be dominated, disciplined, and under the control of woman who know.  Yes – ladies if you know I’m wear panties and stockings – you have me already under your domination and control.  I love to be given orders. I’d love to be humiliated, embarrassed, disciplined and punished by you.  I want to be your slave girl, your very personal maid, your little lesbian play-toy. Let’s take my biological sexual item and cage it nice and small so we can play as we should. 

Behaving as a Sissy?  Definitely not my style.  A male cock?  Ugh – not of any interest to me at all.  My style has always been all girl-all the time.  I know of no female dressed in sexy clothes who behaves as a “sissy”, I have no interest either.  

I write this because I feel other who share my interests feel pressured or obligated to be a Sissy. If they don’t they hear this crap that they are repressing it.  Same thing with associating their sexual desires with wanting to be with other males.  That is all somebody’s propaganda and nonsense.  Your desires are your desires and you don’t need to feel pressured to be somebody you are not.

I’m “all girl-all the time” and LOL….much more submissive to females than their wildest imagination.  I am who I am.  You should be who you are.  Guess who understands this very well?  Well – Mistress Samantha of course

Mistress’ Feminine Submissive Is a Crossdressing Role Model

Nina Paige: Taking Feminization to New Heights

Nina-05Oh, my darling Nina Paige… She and I have gone such a long way together since we met, and she has progressed by leaps and bounds in the degree of openness, acceptance, embracing, exploration, and evolution that her femininity has experienced. This is one feminization Mistress who couldn’t possibly be any more pleased, proud or satisfied with the progress my fully feminized slave girl has made over these past several years.

She has latched on to her feminine self and soul with an immense and unmatched ferocity, passion, and desire like that of which I have rarely seen in my years of working with lifestyle crossdressers and feminization enthusiasts, and she reinforces my own dedication to assessing, mentoring, educating, leading, and supporting those individuals in need of a hand to hold and an ear to bend along their journey to fully and completely experience themselves in the glory of their fullest femininity.

Together, Miss Paige and I have accomplished what she once deemed to be the impossible – and, after 3-1/2 years, we are still only getting started…

Feminization, Submission, and Crossdressing… Seriously…

Whether you are new to reading about my wonderfully obedient feminine submissive or you’ve already discovered some of the secrets of Nina Paige, Princess Barbie, Little Stephen, and/or my baby girl, the meaning, depth, intensity, and commitment of both my feminine submissive and I should be readily apparent. If you have not yet discovered this fact for yourself, let me vehemently put THE primary fact out there:

Our feminization work, projects, plans, goals, and experiences are NO GAME. Both Nina Paige and I take this endeavor into the world of femininity in all of it glory and along all of its avenues with the greatest of seriousness and dedication. It is serious. It is constant. It is ongoing. It is real. PERIOD.

Wardrobe, Hair, Make-Up – and So Much More

“Is being feminine (and submissive) all about panties, bras, stockings (or pantyhose), pretty dresses, petticoats, heels, hair, nails, make-up, and all things pink?”

Well, while each of those components certainly has their place in the world and experience of feminization, crossdressing, and domination by one’s Mistress, they are only individual pieces of the huge physical and psychological pie that is a journey into the heart and soul of femininity. In addition to those things, let’s not forget about the way in which you walk and talk, your background and history, your mannerisms and demeanor, your individual mindset and attitude, and your subjective physical, emotional, mental, and sexual experience throughout the process. Your experience of feminization is as unique, special, and remarkable as are you as an individual.

That said, this Mistress does NOT believe in a one-size-fits-all experience of feminization, crossdressing or submission. This is a very subjective, intimate, and individually tailored trek into who you are on a profound level, and anything and everything generic, random, arbitrary or common has no place in (y)our world; therefore, they will be forbidden and left by the wayside.

Even if your feminization desires are centered around adjuncts, such as humiliation or submission, feminization is STILL YOUR experience, and it should contain those elements, dynamics, and components that make the most of your expressions, explorations, and the entire en femme endeavor.

Feminization Made-to-Order

What are the pieces of your individual feminization puzzle? In a perfect world, how do you see your feminine experience unfolding? What dynamics need to be in place for you to have a full and complete experience that is true to your ideas on, feelings about, and goals of feminization?

Female domination, discipline & control for all to see – A new chapter begins

Mistress has decided and instructed me to tell all of you about my last few meetings with her. Documented for all to read and see.

Am I’m embarrassed and ashamed to?  Very.  In fact mortified is a better word. 

If you are a new reader of this blog, let me make something clear to you.  I’m completely enslaved to Mistress Samantha.  I’m her personal property and possession.  I’m under her complete female domination, control, and discipline at all times.  I cannot say No to Mistress.  Everything she tells me, suggests or decides must be done without question, resistance or hesitation  All of this is done in a very 21st century way – via phone, via webcam, via instant messenger, via text messages and via email.  

  • Over 3 1/2 years ago, Mistress told me to shave the cock/balls – I was required to be totally hairless.  I told her NEVER.  The cock/balls have been totally hairless for 3+ years.  They will be kept hairless forever.  I must have her cock/balls thoroughly shaved at all times. 
  •  Over 3 years ago, Mistress decided that I would be wearing panties & stockings every day (24 hours a day, 7 days a week) for several months.  I have never removed them.  I will never be allowed to remove them.  I have been in silk lace panties and sheer stockings/pantyhose every day since.  

I’m her slave girl.  Yes she has turned me into a girl – total complete psychological control over me. Yes – all girl all the time now.  Unlike some (or much) that you read or see on the internet – that doesn’t mean attractions to male sexual organs.  Quite the opposite, my attraction to the female organs is EVEN stronger as a girl.  “Pussy” obsessed ?  Absolutely.  All girl – all the time.   Think the  “L” word because I am decidedly so.  

Now – some of our last meetings. A combination of different forms of discipline, control, and domination.  You see, Mistress has decided that I’m to be turned in her adult baby also.  Her baby girl and little boy being punished by Mommy.  Mommy’s little boy doesn’t get to wear a wig (at least not for long).  He is to dressed head-toe except the hair.  Punishment is more effective when you cannot mistake her little boy is dressed from head to toe as a girl.   Yes I’m mommy’s baby and little boy whenever she decides I will be.  Not only did she turn me into her baby, my pictures, video clips, and blog was shared with other adult females.  

Three weeks ago, Mommy wanted me to buy baby food ( strained peas, & bananas ), baby pacifiers  and a baby bottle.  I was dressed from head to toe in my pink Baby Bows dress from http://www.themaidstore.com.  


Yes dressed from head to toe in my pink baby bows dress sucking my pretty pink pacifier. You see Mommy’s control over me is even more powerful than Mistresses.  Mommy has complete total unconditional control.  Everything must be told to Mommy. Mommy’s control is all powerful — impossible to resist for even 1 split second.  Yes – I’m now her adult baby girl or disciplined little boy.  Mommy has me totally, powerfully, completely, helplessly in her grip.  When the time came to feed me my baby food, Mommy had me spoon the baby food into a bowl.   Then to my utter shock, I was told to lift my dress, drop my panties, and my stockings.  I was completely mortified when Mommy told me I had to cum into the bowl of peas.  I ejaculated a full amount in my bowl of baby food, mixed it and then proceeded to be spoon fed every drop of my cum soaked baby jar of peas from the bowl.  What I later learned was that Mommy had filmed the entire episode.   Yes – it is all on video – mommy’s feeding her baby.

On next meeting was a little different.  Fully attired as her pretty, sexy girl in a tight black mini-dress from Fredericks of Hollywood with my long flowing blonde wig.   Ah but I wasn’t going to escape more cum punishment.  This time I had to cum in the bowl and apply it to my face and lips. Letting it dry on.  I felt sick to my stomach as it dried on my face.

Our last meeting was the worse of all.  Dressed in a white satin bow blouse, a black pencil mini-skirt, super high 6 1/2″ black high heels ( non platform), black stockings, and my hair styled in a bun which had been done at Hair Craft salon by M.  ( for new readers – yes with me in the chair wearing it).  Mistress required me to cum into my hands, and lick every drop of cum from my hands but while I was doing this her cock was required to be fully submerged in a bowl of freezing ICE and ICE water.  I screamed and begged for Mistress to let me take her cock out of the freezing bowl but she would not.  Oh – I shutter at just thinking about it again.  Sick to my stomach licking the cum off the fingers while her cock was totally frozen.  Ultimately, I was broken to tears before Mistress allowed me to remove her cock from its frozen prison.

We have entered a new stage, one where I’m being taught to totally hate the way I used to cum. Pavlov’s dog.  Yes – when I used to cum, my feminine desires were then tormented, suppressed, controlled and locked into a cage.  These desires used to serve my cock.  Now I stay dressed as the girl I am afterwards.  Cumming the old way is to be severe punishment. Something not to be desired, but to be truly feared, disliked, and despised.  

The only acceptable, pleasurable way to cum will be with a PINK vibrator or a dildo thrust in.out of  my ass until I cum.  I am a slave girl and I will cum as one whenever mistress or mommy decides that I’m to be rewarded.  The old way will be used to punish, degrade, discipline and make the practice totally hated.

Trust me, I hate and despise the old way already.   




My enslavement

You lay in your bed wearing your ruffled black panties, your ultra sheer grey pantyhose, and your prettiest pink nightgown with black lace trim.  You are so turned on and you reach down and stroke yourself and the desires builds even more.  Yes you want to cum and you want to do so badly but you will not.  Indeed you physically can and nobody would ever know but it’s impossible for you to do so for Mistress has told you it is not allowed.  So you wiggle in total torment and submissive desire but there will be no relief for you today, tomorrow, or the next day.   

You are now totally, completely enslaved to Mistress Samantha. She has taken absolute complete control over you.  Every submissive thought, desire, and craving must be confessed to Mistress whenever they occur.  You are her submissive pet and her personal private possession.  You are profoundly, intensively, and deeply enslaved to her and as each day goes on – she owns, controls, and possesses you more and more.  The submissive/dominant relationship is transcendental, it is spiritual, it is sacred.  

Your thoughts are now how can you be more submissive, more obedient, more dominated, more controlled, more embarrassed, more humiliated, more disciplined, more punished, and more submissively trained by Mistress Samantha.  Your enslavement to her is something you cannot bear to be without.  Your deeply lust to continually experience more and more.  There is nothing that Mistress Samantha cannot do to you – ABSOLUTELY nothing and both you and Mistress know that.  

Yes dear – the enslavement to Mistress Samantha is real and very permanent.  Mistress totally owns, possess, and controls you and she will be keeping your in strict domination, control, discipline, and training for as long as it pleases, amuses, and suits her desires.    



Constant, continual and daily submission for over 3+ years

The constant silk stockings and lacy panties that I have been wearing every day for 3 years.  The continual turn-on and the ever present excitement of submission all the time.  

Am I really?  No it cannot be.  

Last week, I realized.  Am I really?  Yes, I am.  I really am.

 I am deeply, profoundly, intensely, completely, totally enslaved to Mistress Samantha.    I am now Mistress Samantha’s personal, private “submissive pet” that she owns and controls.  One that she has absolute power and unconditional control over.  It is not just her ability to have me completely totally obedient to her.  She has the power to create submissive desires within me where none existed before.  She can take me from “being not in the mood” to off the charts in less than 5 seconds.    

 There is NOTHING that a dominant female has ever or will ever do a submissive male that I don’t want her to do to me.  Please Mistress Samantha, I publicly beg you to whip, humiliate, shame, tie me up, and subject to all forms including extreme female domination, punishment, and discipline. The more extreme the better.  I crave her to punish and dominate me completely with no limits. 

Yes – she has completely trained her personal, private “submissive pet” and I will be owned by her forever.



It has been over 3 1/4 years since…

My first meeting with Mistress Samantha.  She had reviewed my background, interest, and experience.  She made her plans and intentions for me quite clear.  Mistress Samantha had decided she was going to be turn me into a girl.  Well perhaps unlike, some submissives who dress in female attire, I never found any erotic desires or interest in that idea.  It was something of little interest.  I was polite but mentally very confidently and quite arrogantly dismissed it.  I privately laughed and snickered at it.  Yes it was cocky disdain and total self-confidence that she could not.   

The amazing thing is it didn’t take Mistress Samantha long before she had me telling her “ I want to be a girl“.  To be followed by “I am a girl” evolving to my asking her to  “keep me as a girl forever“.  Then came the real in-depth training from Mistress Samantha and my begging/pleading her “I want to be a feminine girl” Then it went even further “please mistress turn me into a feminine girlie girl”  Oh but even that wasn’t enough anymore “please mistress I cannot resist, I beg/plead with you turn me into an very ultra feminine girlie girl“.

I think it is pretty clear, that Mistress Samantha gave me the full complete treatment.  

Now am I referring to the fact that

  • I’ve been wearing panties/stockings every single day for last 3 years
  • That I now shop for my own lingerie and the shop owners know it is for me to wear
  • That I’ve been fitted in formal gowns in prom stores/bridal boutiques
  • I have my girls hair style done in a salon while I’m wearing my wig
  • That I personally shop for my own makeup
  • That I’ve had makeup lessons in stores.

Absolutely but that the mere tip – the external manifestations of my being turned into an ultra feminine girlie girl.  Oh Mistress Samantha was far more through than that.  What about the psychological  emotional, and intellectual. Totally completely feminized also.  I know that I’m am really truly a girl inside – yes all girl, ultra girlie girl on the inside.   Did Mistress stop there?  Hardly.  I have a very profound inner personality and persona that is all girl also.  It even shows in my body language, that I have to now work at times to keep in check – it is very feminine.   I fully embrace myself as a very cute, adorable feminine girlie girl.    Is Mistress done with me now?  Oh, I seriously doubt it and assure you she may just be starting her turning me into a girl.

Indeed in this process – Mistress has discovered something else that she is going to turn me into. This is beyond mortifying, humiliating and embarrassing.  What is it?   I’m not saying for now.  But this one, I have a profound weakness for which is now quite apparently to Mistress Samantha.  The question will become does it make this blog or does it make a new blog.  Time will tell….

Keep reading it is just the mere beginning of where I will be taken and go.  

How you wear your panties is quite revealing in more ways than one

Should you be caged and not allowed to become erect when you are wearing your pretty bra, panties, and stockings.  The picture below is a good example 


Or should you be put on display with no restraints.   The graphic below is a good example


Of course, both need to be done to a submissive. I have had both done to me by Mistress Samantha.  

The first method has the advantage of not allowing any erection at all.  Physically, constrained and caged.  Relief is impossible in the silky encased cage.  If the cock tries to get erect and it will – the result will be physical pain.  Caged and feminized. 

The 2nd method – well you’re going to have a full erect cock in front of her.  Fully completely turned on and no place or way to hide it.  Relief isn’t going to happen here either because she is not going to let it.  You’ll stand in front of her totally turned on embarassed and ashamed which only makes it get harder – a self fulling prophecy.

The first style implies and re-enforces pain.  The 2nd style is about shame – totally turned on in your panties and stockings for her entertainment.   

As I said, both methods are needed but I have a very definite preference for the 2nd style.  Totally turned on in front of her and helpless to relieve the erection because she will not let me.  

Yes your preference for how you prefer to wear your panties is very revealing


Is Barbie losing focus and slipping?

On Friday I went to Hair Craft in Northern NJ to have my hair done by M.  My long girly blonde hair in curls.  I had not been in to see M. to have my hair styled as Barbie in over 3 months.  If this is the first time, your reading my blog, my hair must be styled while it is being worn – one of Mistress Samantha’s rules.  I told M. what a crazy insane year it was and how time constrained I was.  She asked about Mistress Samantha.  I told her time with her was limited also.   She was very surprised at that.  I told her Mistress Samantha was concerned I would lose focus and backslide.  However, I had not.   

“Oh really” she exclaimed.  I think Mistress Samantha is correct

  • You haven’t had your hair styled sitting in the chair in over 3 months.  
  • Your prettiest wig has been in the shop for at least 3-4 weeks. You obviously weren’t wearing it.  
  • She could see my stockings since socks get removed before i go into the salon, but I wasn’t wearing my ankle bracelets as I normally do.  
  • No Barbie necklace was around my neck.

 The more she talked the more she decided that the next time I should make amends.  I told her I would make sure I did another appointment soon and I definitely have on my ankle bracelets and necklace.  

“That’s better but that’s the expectations.  Making amends is making up for something you should have done.  Not just going back to the expectations” she informed me.   M. decided that to teach me a lesson for not being focused –  my next hair styling appointment she told me to bring a skirt to change into for her and N. ( who was busy Friday).   They expected a show.   Just wearing the skirt would be quite a show in itself because all my skirts are micro mini-skirts.

Will I really be dressed in a skirt my next styling appointment?  Only Mistress Samantha knows for sure because if she decides I will be wearing one – well there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening.  

In case you are a first time reader, I just want to assure you this blog is real – not fiction.  I am real.  Mistress Samantha is real and this salon is real.

You can read fiction & dream or you can live it.  

However, once you start well – you may never be allowed to stop.

It is called female domination for a reason.  


Required corrections by Mistress Be Careful what you ask for

This blog entry and the one below it are to be posted together.  This one is corrected with Mistress Samantha instructions.  The changes are in black.  My public humiliation is not complete enough but it will be.  

Read the blog entry below after you click on the graphics to read them. They set the stage for understanding that you need to be careful what you ask for – it may cum about.



526496_456432654432866_487234644_nLOL – The female above is wrong, Mistress Samantha never, ever loses.  Read the blog entry to understand what she did to me. 



Part 0f Mistress Samantha’s training of me, is that she doesn’t allow me to touch myself or cum.   It is kept highly, highly restrictive until you desperate for it just like the “males” above.  Willing to do anything to come?  Yes, Mistress please I beg you – ANYTHING.

Mistress has kept me highly motivated not to beg or ask to cum.  In 3 years, she has only had me cum once – very early on. For at 2 1/2 years, I have not cum at all nor have I asked to.  Why? Well Mistress has kept me very highly motivated to stay in total chastity as part of her domination and control of me.  Yes – the last image is correct.  When “males” don’t cum – their submissive desires multiply and multiply. The longer I stayed in chastity the more submissive I became.   So how did Mistress keep me so motivated.   The choices were chastity or having to slowly lick, suck, swallow and eat every single drop of my cum if I asked to release.  Of course, Mistress made it very clear – it was only a matter of time before Mistress would decide that she wanted me milked and drained of every drop of cum anyway and I’d eat out drop of cum when she decided to milk me.     

So I knew the rules when I begged to be allowed to cum.  Worse – Mistress reminded me of what would happen if it did.  I could not stop myself – I groveled, begged, and pleaded knowing I had to slowly lick, suck, hold it in my mouth for as long as I was told before I’d swallow every drop if it.  Yes – the full load of my cum was too be eaten and I begged for it. What little bit of male pride, dignity, ego was left – I begged and pleased for Mistress to take it.  Oh did I like eating it?  Read the first article and the comment from Mistress.  “You should have seen the look on his… or rather Barbie’s… face. The wrinkled nose… The scowl… Those squinting eyes… The look of utter disgust… While little Miss Barbie might not have enjoyed her little creamy cum treat, but I found the sight to be a most delicious treat!”  Yes – my mouth is now Mistress Samantha’s cum bucket.   And when I was done it was time to change into a clean pair of pretty ruffled panties, a lacy bra, sheer pantyhose, baby doll pajamas  high heels, freshen the lipstick, eye shadow, mascara, comb my long blonde hair and on went the high heels.  Yes – Mistress required me to sleep dressed this way all night – right afterwards.  It used to be after cumming, I’d change and wouldn’t dress for months.  That was before Mistress Samantha.  I’ve been dressed in woman’s clothing every single day for almost 3 years and Mistress Samantha has made it clear.  She is keeping me dressed this way – every day from now on.  I will never be allowed out of them – forever. 

Now I am going to be sternly punished again shortly.  Mistress Samantha wanted me to cum in my pretty panties and lick/suck the cum out of them.  I slipped on a condom so as not to mess up my pretty white panties.  Excellent for making sure I swallowed and ate every drop of cum while not staining the panties but Mistress was disobeyed and that means a stern punishment soon. 

How humiliating….This is so embarrassing and humiliating.  I’m ashamed and frankly highly mortified.  Will the girls who do my hair read this?  Oh – I cannot bear the thought.  Plus every blog reader now knows  and it will stay posted forever. 

The final degradation in this blog  - which will also stay posted forever.  This is an implicit expectation that girls will kneel before him, give him a blow job and lick, suck, and swallow his entire load. I’m the one on my knees -ON HER KNEES. Wearing panties, bra, stockings, high heels, makeup, and wig.  I’m the girl kneeling in front of mistress on webcam, begging/pleading groveling with her both on the cam and in front of the world on this blog.  Please mistress – I beg you to let me cum so I can lick, suck, swallow and eat every drop of it.  Again & Again – your personal cum bucket.  I beg you to fully complete train me to do this perfectly over and over again.  



 Why?  Maybe a nice through, slow feeding before he has to lock himself up again will discourage him from asking again.