My blog is long. Every once in awhile, it’s time to give you the big picture of my story and of course update it.
I started when I was first a teenager. I don’t remember whose panties I first tried on whether it was mother’s or my sister’s. I wore both. It didn’t matter as long as they were silky, lacy, and very feminine. Oh, what an incredible sexual turn-on to slip on those lacy panties. Despite the decades that have past, it turns me on today as much as it did in the past. I learned about this turn on before I even discovered self indulgence.
Did I stop with the panties? Oh no, I had to put on the stockings, bra, and shoes – the appeal and the turn-on was far too alluring to resist. It wasn’t long before I began to add a skirt/blouse or dresses – the more I added the more intense the sensual feeling and gratification.
Although I didn’t have a preference for my mothers or sisters panties, I clearly had a preference for my sisters dresses and skirts. They simply fit better and were much sexier. Then I evolved to makeup and my sisters really silky baby doll nightgowns. Yes – I sneaked into feminine attire whenever I could. By the time I was thirteen my sister had graduated high school and was working. My mother also worked. So you can imagine what I did between 03:30 pm and them returning from work at 6pm in an empty house filled with such lovely feminine attire. Yes I completely publicly confess, this is the hottest sexual turn on for me, it was then, it is now, and it will always be.
Did I want either of them to catch me? I would often practice self-bondage and fantasize about not being able to escape. Sometimes I was actually trapped but I managed to get out after 30 minutes or so. OH – I loved the helpless feeling combined with being feminized. A even greater turn-on. Yes – I wanted them to catch me and then teach me a lesson by making me stay dressed this way in front of them. I wanted to be embarrassed, taunted, teased and required to put on a dress whenever I misbehaved ( sometimes referred to as “caught with consequence” or “bad boy to good girl”).
As I grew older, my submissive desires matured also. Female domination – complete with spankings, whips, chains, and more helpless bondage. My fantasies were always about “forced feminization” by dominant females who took control of me. Pleasure for me? None – until her pussy was sucked, licked, and sucked some more until she had at least 100 orgasm’s before I’d be allowed ANY pleasure at all.
Oh – how I loved Penthouse Variations letters and those forced Feminization stories.
Yes, I have a very, very kinky side. Sound at all familiar to your story?
If you read the internet, you could get the impression that people with my kinky side want to have men as part of these fantasies. Absolutely not for me. As my biological side began to enter the peak male years (AGES 20-35), my attraction to females naturally increased. I married a wonderful woman in my mid 20′s truthfully thinking that this was no longer something that I was deeply attracted to. It didn’t take long into the marriage for this to start again. Yes – I introduced my wife to this side and she did play with it – something quite strongly. But it really wasn’t something she enjoyed.
When the children came along, the games rightfully came to an end. But could I resist it? Of course not it is far too deep a desire – it is an uncontrollable passion for me. So back to sneaking, hiding, suppressing, and denying. Dressing on rare occasions and then came the internet mrs-silk.com, fictionmania.com and others provided further ways to satisfy my strong sexual desires. Ah but in the end, I just cannot resist my sexual desires, excitement and passion. I ordered a dress, clothes from the themaidstore.com and other sites. I learned that you could ship these into the UPS store without a mailbox for a $5 pick up fee. I hide them in the house in a locked case. I would take a day off from work, drop the clothes in a motel room the night before the day off and arrive at 5am for 5-6 hours in lacy panties, stockings, corset, bra, dress, high heels, wigs, and makeup before check-out time. Yes – I couldn’t resist. There was only thing missing – real biological females to obey and be controlled by.
Then I was recommended to Mistress Samantha by somebody on the internet. I contacted her and was astonished at her knowledge of this kinky desire. I learned that this was part of her advanced college studies and a keen interest of her’s. As fate would have it, my wife discovered the contact and I had to explain who Samantha was. When my wife learned of her background, she laughed and said she always wanted me to talk to somebody about my kinky side. She never imagined I would do it attired over the internet on a webcam but she was good with my trying it.
Well, it didn’t take Mistress long before she completely freed and unleashed the girl inside of me. Yes – I’m a biological male and will always be. I love woman no matter how I’m dressed(think girl-girl or the L word and capitalize that entire L word). Yes – there is a very, very feminine side which was now forever free. Do you want to compare the two sides? “LOL – it’s not even close“.
Within 3 months of Mistress releasing the girl inside, she decided to punish me and required me to wear lacy, silky panties 24 hours a day 7 days a week ( yes – including work) for a period of 9 months. Within 90 days, I was now helplessly feminized and begging her to let me wear them forever. Within another 90 days, I was begging her to let me wear sheer pantyhose or stockings 24×7 in addition to my pretty panties. This September 2012 will mark 2 years of being continually, constantly feminized.
So being constantly, continually feminized it must have less effect on me correct? No not at all – the turn-on is now even stronger and never goes away. It is both total stimulation and total torment. The torment? I want to add in a lacy bra, waist cincher, high heels, and wear pretty lipstick. So now at least monthly and many times weekly I’m dressed from head to toe; bra’s, corsets, garter belts, stockings, high heels, dresses, wigs, lipstick, eye shadow, mascara, necklace, and bracelets on display for mistress. Self indulgence has of course been banned by mistress. It has been replaced by the constant, continual Feminization which cause the feminine desires to increase more, more each moment.
Oh but that’s not enough either. Denying, Hiding, and Suppressing that I love to do this is no longer permissible. Instead I must Confess, Express, and Display the feminine side for other woman to see and not just mistress. A fitting ironic turnaround and justice. To date that has been donw with public personal shopping but will soon be extended to private makeup lessons to be held live with Ms. W. Perfection is too be required with my makeup. This too is just the beginning and Mistress has many more plans. The true feminine side of me was locked in a prison, mental cage, and kept totally suppressed for years. She is now free – never to go back – and her former jailor must pay. The former jailor (who thought he was Lord/King) is now called Princess. Whereas the feminine side was made to suffer, Princess is so helplessly feminized now that she begs, pleads for more Feminization and yes for more submission. Princess knows her proper place it is to be totally subservient to females from now on. She is to serve in order (1) her wife (2) Mistress Samantha (3) Nina Paige the girl inside and (4) all other females.
What has my wife’s reaction been? Serving my wife means not forcing my feminine submissive side upon her but doing everything else to please/serve her. So she now has a husband that does everything to please her at all times without dealing with my submissive, feminine side. Guess what, she loves it. Meanwhile, Mistress Samantha ( as far as my wife is concerned Samantha) deals with the feminine submissive side. Yes – it absolutely can work perfectly !!!
So let me finish by being more direct. I’m now a girl inside – my style is girly girl and ultra feminine. Yes – I’ve gone from suppression and resisting it to being totally completely unable to resist it in any way, shape or form. Perfect justice. Did I mention how much this still turns me on? “LOL – I love to torment Princess and make her publically confess how this is such a great turn on for her. It’s as nice as CBT, spankings, and the other disciplines that now get imposed on here for the years of resisting her deeply feminine, girly side.“
Yes – I was born to be feminized and submissive to females and I’ll bet you were also.
To tell your story – you must first discover yourself fully. A great place to start discovering that is of course Mistress Samantha at http://www.fetishvixen.com. You may think there are a lot of choices but you’ll soon discover that understanding this side of you is a rare gift that few woman possess which is why I call Mistress Samantha the best in America.
You cannot resist your desires. You’ve never been able to. You will never be able to. It’s time to fully submit. Accept your place in a very pretty dress with sheer stockings, high heels, lipstick, and eye shadow kneeling in front of Mistress in your proper submissive position. It is where you belong !